I've been a mother now for a little over 9.5 years. I have been a stay at home mom since Isaac was born; well before that actually. We moved to Georgia when I was just barely pregnant (as if there is such a thing) and I have been home ever since. I began thinking rather deep thoughts during pregnancy. The first one I remember having was:
"I bet the reason God allows us to bear children is to see how proud He is of His creation." I mean, here was this one, tiny person being created within me---made of Eric and I but totally different and unique---and I was (am) just as proud as I could be. How much more proud is our Father who has made EVERYTHING? He gives me a tiny glimpse of this feeling through the making of our children.
I remember patting Isaac in his crib as he went to sleep. He had hold of my hand with his left hand. And I got all choked up thinking about the wedding band that would one day be on that finger. I just loved him so much, how could ever I let him go? Then this thought came:
"I love him so much, but God loves him that much more." Right after that God said," And I love you that much more too." Sometimes I think of how much God loves others and forget how much He loves me. I am more precious to Him than my kids are to me. How amazing is that?
When Isaac was 3 or so I remember he was pestering me about getting him something and telling me over and over what he wanted and I said to him:
"I know what you need, Son. Let me get it for you." I stopped right there and thought about how many times has God wanted me to hear this. He knows what I need. He has promised to make sure I have it. Why don't I rest in His provision?
When Isaac was little I took great comfort in his perfect innocence. I felt like if something were to happen to him, he would go straight back to the Father's arms and I would follow later on. Then the thought came:
"How will I cope when I know he has sin in his life but hasn't made a commitment to follow Christ?" This time, the answer came from my sister in law. "Remember that God made this baby and that he is His first and He loves Isaac more than you do. He will enable you to teach him and give you strength to cover him in prayer as he makes that decision."
Isaac has always tended to be a fearful, worrying personality. This has become a definite challenge as he has gotten older. I see it as a lack of trust in me and Eric (which may or may not be accurate). I mean, how could he think we would let anything bad happen to him (like drowning in the pool when he wouldn't let go of his floats, or burn down in the house after he'd had a fire safety unit at school)? I have wondered if his fears are a lesson to me as well. I feel like I am generally a very trustful person. Most of my hurts have come from trusting that other people will be nice and loving and honest and then have that thrown in my face when it turns out that some people just aren't like that. And while Isaac has been God's mouth piece to me lots of times, maybe this is one way I can speak on God's behalf to him. I think that I tend to not be fearful is because I believe with everything I am that God is going to do what He has said. And so in light of the very worst thing I can imagine, I still know that I will live in heaven because I have claimed Jesus as my Savior. Isaac is coming to this place in his development. And I hear my sister in laws voice again, "He loves Isaac more than you do. He will enable you..."
2 comments:
Well said, Dixie. I often look at Charlotte's fears and worries the same way, as a lack of trust in me an her dad. But the longer I'm around her, the more I realize that she is simply her own person who has to work through her own issues...with us guiding her, of course!
that was so great. i'm astounded by the way i now hear ALL the corrections i give to suzannah....it's exactly what God is saying to me. don 't worry///trust me, don't be afraid....trust me, don't be so selfish....love, and on and on. being a parent is the best insight to who God is....and his relationship w/ us!!
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