So, is this going to be a post about the weather?? I sure hope not. But I think this grayness in the sky has sort of taken up residence in my mind/heart. I have not been the best I should be lately. Just lazy, I think. Apathetic maybe. I really want to BE better. Looking for motivation. Occasionally I have gotten like this in the past when a change is taking place, like when the baby stuff was being gotten rid of, or other semi-momentous things were coming to an end and new things beginning. But I sense none of that right now. Just the gloom. I see no new thing on the horizon. I see no corner that is being turned. Just the rut I seem to be stuck in.
Isaiah 43:19 says: See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
While the desert is looking a little appealing to me right now, just because it is usually sunny there, I get the metaphor. I really want to be able to perceive the new thing. I believe that God is working, always working. I wonder how difficult it is for him to work with desert dwelling people, because I do think I am in a spiritual one right now. I think I have maybe been here a while, wondering around. Maybe it is a good thing that I have now realized it. Maybe now I will start learning whatever it is He has been trying to teach me. I think part of the lesson is letting go of things that I have no control over. My energy is so wasted trying to understand things that aren't clear.
So, how depressing is this post? I am not trying to depress you, but I thought I'd post an honest post so that people know I am not perpetually happy and on top of it...in case anyone had had that impression:) I'd appreciate prayers. I don't expect this to last long. Please God, don't let this last long. I'll take the springs that come with renewal. That is what I desperately need...refreshment.
God bless
D
3 comments:
LOVE and appreciate your honesty - this has been such a difficult week for me and I know I need refreshing as well =) I will be praying for you and please add me to your prayer list too. I think my mood is more exhaustion that gloomy but the two go hand in hand these days
I hear you loud and clear. I am thinking of you and if YOU ever need to talk I am hear; eventhough lately I probably don't seem like it. Maybe God will answer both of our prayers! Keep your head up and I'll try to send some Texas sunshine your way!
Dixie, I've been here so much. I truly 'hear' you!! Read through the Psalms if you haven't done so already. But most of all, LISTEN; as you are already doing. God is definitely trying to tell you something. And you may not even come out of this with some momentous 'ah-ha', but at least you can say you were obedient and faithful. Praying for you!!
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